Saturday, March 19, 2011

FACEBOOK'S LIKE BUTTON WILL DESTROY THE WORLD

I completely understand the concept behind Social Networks. They are a fantastic idea. The googlemachines trully are a beautiful way of bringing the world closer together and we have seen the benefits of using intertubes technology in order to accomplish worthwhile goals just like recent events in Egypt or the Anonymous protests on Scientology..... However it is my professional opinion that the "like" button feature in Facebook will bring about the foken end of the world. 

I know it sounds a little extreme, but it's foken true. Innocent as it may seem, that little bastard is an S.T.D. (Socially Transmitted Disease {totally made that one up} ) that slowly eats away at the Frontal Lobes of your brain which apparently are connected to your social skills. Doesn't matter what I post, even if it's an open ended question, people have lost their mastery of conversation and they simply opt to press the foken "like" button. It's kind of like cavemen offering a dry single grunt to acknowledge your awesome taking down of a foken T-Rex all on your own with nothing but a toothpick.

  LIKE
It's getting ridonculous. You think I'm kidding when I compare it to a disease, but look at the way it behaves. One of your friends has it. You know he/she does because all they do is post the shit they like and when you post there's never a coherent response, just that retarded little thumbs up that lets you know they acknowledge your existence, but you are not worthy enough of 10 seconds worth of typing. This really doesn't matter to you because who cares right? Then one day you are reading your friends update and even though you totally agree with what they posted about Coke Zero or the Deterioration of Human Empathy in a Forced Consumerist Market or whatever, you draw a foken blank. You have nothing to say. Not even about Coke Zero. Your mouse starts sliding towards that little word. Your subconscious screams at you, trying to remind you of the times when your opinions where complex aspects based on experience and convictions, but your conscious brain just hears Charlie Brown's squawking teacher. You have a feeling that things should not be like this, but struggle as you may, not a single cohesive sentence forms in the language center of your noggin so with no other option your index finger clicks "like" and you die a little inside. You feel ashamed, but just like a herpes outbreak, every following episode is just a little easier than the one before.

Worst part about this S.T.D. is that it's both aggressive and degenarative to a very bad extent. You see, the "like" button is too ambiguous, too foken vague, so it's use should have a certain amount of restriction, even self discipline. I will illustrate my point. The assumption is 1 person posting with 100 friends on Facebook over a period of 5 weeks.

WEEK 1
ORIGINAL POST: I'm on my way to school!
NUMBER OF LIKES: 4
NUMBER OF COMMENTS: 20
SAMPLE: Me too, I got class around 10, we should meet for coffee.
OBSERVATION: Complex sentences, good grammar, rational thought.

WEEK 2
ORIGINAL POST: Should I buy the new Lady Gaga record?
NUMBER OF LIKES: 8
NUMBER OF COMMENTS: 15
SAMPLE: NO, Why the fok would you do that? That bitch is retarded!
OBSERVATION: Ability to answer and formulate questions and offer good advice still present!

WEEK 3
ORIGINAL POST: I'm not having a good day, this sucks.
NUMBER OF LIKES: 35
NUMBER OF COMMENTS: 10
SAMPLE: That sucks.
OBSERVATION: Simple sentences only. Lack of comprehension for the implication of what pressing "like" might mean when the original post indicates a negative feeling.

WEEK 4
ORIGINAL POST: Wow, there was a 9.0 earthquake in Japan
NUMBER OF LIKES: 50
 NUMBER OF COMMENTS: 5
SAMPLE: dat suxs
OBSERVATION: Language skills regressing to child like levels. Clicking "like" has become autonomous.

WEEK 5
ORIGINAL POST: like
NUMBER OF LIKES: like
NUMBER OF COMMENTS: like
SAMPLE: like
OBSERVATION: like

By this point the S.T.D. has spread beyond any means of controlling it. So my suggestion is to pull out your emergency Zombie Survival Kit and making your way to the nearest fortified building hoping for the best. 

There's no like button on blogger so leave me a foken comment.

4 comments:

  1. I agree. This is why I will not make a facebook. Well this and other reasons. lol.

    ReplyDelete