Monday, February 21, 2011


From a very young age I was taught that helping others and standing up for what you believe is the right thing to do. My parents always said that if I felt there was something wrong with the world, I should take action and help make it better. I guess my mom and dad don't love me as much as I thought because if they ever saw the news (and I know they did) then the would know that was possibly the shittiest piece of a advice I have ever gotten!

Whenever I get a glance at a T.V., or read a newspaper or listen to the radio and hear a news report on activists, I wonder what the fok did I do to piss of my parents so much that they would basically push me towards a certain doom. I mean if you run across any reports on activism, you come to realize that anyone partaking in such tomfoolery fits into two very recognizable categories. One is the tree-hugging, pothead and annoyingly vegan hippie. The other, located in the opposite side of the spectrum, is a violent, riot-starting looting anarchist. There's no foking gray area here. One way or the other, some shit is going to get lit up on fire, either some fire-ass kush or some poor asshole's grocery store! I don't know if such labels are fair, but I thank the totally fair and unbiased media for showing me that sacrificing my beliefs and values hurts a lot less than taking a taser to the head and a nightstick to the gonads!

It's no foken wonder the world is the way it is. The only two groups willing to take action to change things are more competent at reinforcing their negative images in the fair and balanced media than getting their unclear message across to the public. I sometimes find myself watching the news, and we all know how boring the foken news are. Free speech/censorship this, discrimination that, violation of civil rights here, complete disregard for constitutional rights over there...... Great balls all that shit is irrelevant and boring, but I don't mind it because I know the fun part is coming. Somewhere out there, the hippies and the anarchists have decided to do something about some of that crazy crap they believe in and things can only end in awesome!

That's probably the only good thing about activists. Whether hippie or anarchist, they never disappoint. I have yet to see a broadcast about a protest that actually accomplished something (FOK YOU INDIA AND EGIPT YOUR SHIT DON'T COUNT CAUSE THIS HERE IS AMERIKUH). Anyhow, all this shit always ends the same, hippies and anarchists being maced and tasered and beaten down. This reinforces the gut feeling I have that standing up for what I believe is just too much of a hassle. Is that what you wanted mom and dad? Foken jerks!

The media has done something great by simplifying all this "positive" bullshit called activism into just two classes because it makes them so easy to identify. Let's take for example the last report I saw on the web.  I knew it was about hippies because of their modus operandi. Apparently migrant farmers in California where having issues with the State and the Taco Bell company. California wants to take land they haven't finished paying for to build new housing and the farmers are annoyed because the land belongs to them and that's where they plant their crops and make their living with or whatever. To add insult to injury, Taco Bell is underpaying the farmers for their tomato crops and their labor which doesn't allow them to buy the land from the government. Now you know if it has to do with anything green, the hippies are firing up their hybrids and rushing there. I was online reading the story about all this drama and apparently these guys had decided to help out, so they did what they do best. They threw a party. Every time hippies want something accomplished they get together to protest but always end up throwing some really kick ass gettys. The website didn't really focus on the farmers an their struggle too much so I don't really know what happened to them, but apparently the party was awesome. It was a concert with some big names and there was drugs and alcohol involved. I read a bit of an interview with Tom Morello and found links to his MySpace page. There was some advertisement for some apparently very comfy hemp shoes and something called legal bud, but then this really cool pop-up about a six layered multi-cheese quesadilla came on the screen. All that shit about Mexican food made me hungry so I went and got some Taco Bell.

Now the anarchists are a bit more fun to watch. They have some good shows about them like Whale Wars, where a very angry and violent group of environmental pacifists attack whaling boats with stink bombs and some very harsh words. But the most accurate picture you can get about the anarchist would be the news reports live on FOX. Every time the anarchists go on their supposed peaceful marches I sit back with some pop corn and let the magic happen. It doesn't matter what they are marching about, it always ends the same way. They don't follow the rules for an organized, non disruptive, quiet protest that won't interfere with daily life so the police have to politely remind them to stay orderly with bean bag shot guns to the face, some well placed tear gas grenades and the always funny taser. I never find out what the anarchists are protesting about either because the reports seem to focus on the chaos after the demonstrations. What I do know is that these guys foken love being beaten and handcuffed.

I'm not happy with the way things are, and probably neither are you. But let's be honest here. Pick up or watch or listen to any media broadcast on activism and you will come to the same conclusion. Why would anyone sane try to stand up for what they believe? I rather take a little bit of oppression than let anyone see me on T.V. in the middle of a hippie smoke fest or one of those riots. The media gives this people a fair amount of coverage, but they don't seem to want to get any messages across, and instead all reports on activism are broadcast because of the entertainment value activists provide. There are a lot of things I feel are wrong with this world, but unfortunately the media has proven that there is no point in activism getting an actual message out when what you have to say is not as noticeable as the image the media has placed upon you. My asshole parents told me to stand up for what I believe, but I don't think I'll be passing that advice on to my children. Who cares about the tyrant governments and the rampart capitalist machines of the world when I can comfortably sit in my couch with future generations being entertained by all those silly little fokers that actually do something to bring about change.

Sunday, February 20, 2011


Somehow you have made it here to my little bit of Intertubes real state. Whether you found this place because I told you or because of your horrible luck; Welcome!

This blog is a bit of an experiment. I don't know the how or the what or the why, but I'm sure I will figure it out at some point or another. I wanted an outlet for all that little background noise in the back of my head so after careful consideration (see "SAUCY") I decided to whore myself for attention and start a "blog".

So unfortunately for the world here I am. And if you are reading this, then here you are with me. Like I said, I don't really know where all this is going. I guess I could compare it to my first time. I'm going in without a foken clue of what I'm doing, drunk as hell and I'll probably cry a little at the end (You can stop smiling, I'm talking about rugby.)

What I hope is that once they are posted, my ideas and my opinions and my Guinness-fueled rants are as entertaining and funny and educational as they where before they left my brain. Just in case here's a disclaimer.


So if you find yourself staring blankly at the screen, with that awkward feeling you get when the cute puppy eyed Girl Scouts ask you to buy their cookies and you tell them you don't have money and then as you walk out your bag breaks and it spills the $85 dollars worth of booze and Trojan products you just purchased, and the entire troop including the mothers looks at you like you are the scum of the earth...... FOK YOU GIRL SCOUTS, STOP JUDGING ME YOU FEMINAZI CRACK-FILLED COOKIE PEDDLERS! True story, but I digress.

So anyhow, I don't have a set plan yet, but I know at some point or another I want to include multimedia and contests and other crap besides my writing to keep things interesting. It's kind of like uploading my brain to the Intertubes which is really a terrifying thought because there's a chance this "experiment" is some sort of catalyst for an Artificial Stupidity based cataclysm. How retarded awesome would that be though? Well, for me really. The majority of the world is pretty much foked. Not you though. You are reading my blog and you are going to leave me a comment. That's the only reason you are safe. So you better subscribe and read and comment often. And if you want to save your friends and loved ones make them subscribe and read  and comment too. Andynet has become self aware!