Thursday, March 3, 2011

SORRY LADIES, THIS ONE IS FOR THE GUYS!

Imagine if you will, it's a sunny day in Miami, nice breeze keeping things just cool enough to where the rays of sunshine feel like heaven on your skin. You are making your way down the street when there she is... Everything you have ever wanted on a woman packaged perfectly into the hottest little Betty you have ever feasted your sight with. You catch a glimpse of that perfect hair playfully being tossed around by the wind. A gorgeous smile on a porcelain face as you work your way down, to a curvaceous body planted firmly on thunder thighs and the longest legs followed by MODAFOKEN JESUS SANDALS. WHAT THE FOKEN FOK FOK?

Who the hell told girls that shit is sexy? There's a foken reason shoe technology has moved away from a flat piece of leather attached to your foot by string. It exposes your feet to dirt, it doesn't protect you from rocks and other debris and those strings make your legs look like Christmas ham wrapped on that netting. It's foken horrendous. For the last 28 years of my life the only time I have seen those sandals has been on Jesus, Roman Gladiators and lately that turd pile Naruto. You are not going to convince me now that this is hot or somethIng. Matter of fact, you are ruining my life because I'm terrified to check out girls. Those damned things have created an association that has been forced on my head between women's footwear and Colin Farrel or all those dudes from 300. THAT'S NOT THE IMAGES I WANT IN MY HEAD WHEN I'M TRYING TO DECIDE IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE MY FUTURE EX-WIFE!

Anyhow. Fok those sandals.



7 comments:

  1. foken hilarious and true. especially the part about looking like a Christmas ham.

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  2. LOL, that's so true. I don't like to see girls wear that too.

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  3. Asians wear them to smash animals. Followed.

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  4. Haha I've never seen any girls wearing those, but I agree, it would be weird...

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  5. ROFLMAO I actually wrote a post about this a few years ago (can you believe that trend is STILL around?!) on one of my old blogs. I've never bought the gladiator sandal. Like you said, it seems impractical and well, unattractive in my eyes. It's kind of like the new Miami version of the Ugg boot (though it was always kinda funny to see girls in Uggs in 95 degree weather down here.. at least the sandals make more sense considering the weather). But anyway, kudos sir!

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